The City of Sin

So basically, Vegas was a shitshow.
And I mean that in the best way possible.
We were drunk 24/7 and no one puked…
that’s pretty much my only criteria for a great vacation.

Dear skinny bitches who have the cure

Ok, I think the time has come for me to finally address the people who want to help. The people who have all the answers. The ones that have this awesome and incredible knowledge bestowed upon them. The ones who know how to solve our ultimate problem.
Do you want their solution? Do you?
Well… hold your breath…
Exercise and eat healthy.
Exercise and eat healthy.
Exercise and eat healthy.
Shit, seriously? That’s how I lose weight? Oh my god, I’ve never thought of that before. It’s so damn simple! So all I need to do is exercise and eat healthy and I’ll be down to a size 2? You are such a geniu-Beeeeeeep wrong fucking answer.
What is it with skinny people who like to shove their weight loss tactics down my throat? Especially when they’ve never had an extra pound on them in their life. Especially the ones who don’t exercise or eat healthy but insist that if they were fat they would do just that and the pounds would melt off. Just to clarify, exerciseandeathealthy is not the name of a pill that I have to take once a day or a seminar I’ll return from about 50 pounds lighter.
Ok Skinny, I get it. You’re skinny. Good stuff… so are a bunch of other people. But they don’t think they’ve been given a PhD in how to lose weight. Wonder what makes you so special?
But okay skinnies, lets have it your way. Exercise…
I need to walk three days a week for half an hour… which’ll take me about 2 years to get rid of the extra weight so lets bump that up to cardio workouts four times a week because everyone can fit that into their week right? Yeah, so lets ask the single mom whose working two jobs if she can fit that into her schedule. Or the overworked student who barely has five minutes to eat. Or the fifty year old retired actor with a bad knee. Running four times a week? I don’t think so. Walking three times a week? Don’t think so for that either. People’s lives are busier than you can imagine. If you can’t donate an hour of your time a week to the needy, I’m taking it on a whim that you’re not the busiest person in the world and it isn’t too difficult for you to imagine that someone else may have more things to do.
Lets move on to “eating healthy” – which by the way is bad grammar.
You want people to cut out carbs or cut out calories or stop eating some kind of food. Well, people need to food in order to live. And they will eat anything especially if it’s cheap (because they’re poor), if it’s fast to prepare (see above) and if it looks good (don’t tell me you don’t salivate over the sexy piece of ass living next door – it’s human nature to covet). This stuff is usually unhealthy food. We live in a world where everything marketed towards you is bad for you. If you can eat that crap and stay skinny, well, good on you but that unhealthy shit is ending up in your gut too. We’re all human. And remember that fat people are brought up on this shit. They crave it like you crave the limelight.
Ok so say that there is someone who doesn’t have any of the problems listed above and she does exercise and does eat healthy food… and she still doesn’t lose weight. Welcome to my world. If I am diagnosed with PCOS, hypothyroidism or a number of other diseases, I am essentially screwed. If my family genetics dictate that I’ll be 30 lbs fatter than any of you all, I am screwed. If my body just doesn’t want to lose the weight, I am screwed. Wow, I’m screwed all over the place, aren’t I? But no, not you. Because if you ever get fat, you’ll exercise and eat healthy and you’ll be back to 110 in no time.
Keep dreaming that dream, sweetheart. Eventually, everyone gets fat and I’ll be interested in seeing how well your philosophy is working out then.

Kill me

So I pretty much redid my entire blog. It seems like I have a lot of time to kill. It’s really ugly but it suits my purpose and it suits me. Which doesn’t say much about me but whatev.
I also stuck everyone’s links on my Blog Surfer which I figured would save me for clicking on every link in my blogroll except the surfer is pretty much just filled by posts by this guy. And it’s mostly about turds. So either everyone else needs to start posting more or I need to figure out a more time efficient way to read everything.
This is what else I’ve noticed while being idle; I get angry more.
Seriously, I’m getting morally outraged about all sorts of shit that I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about on a normal day.
Like my neighbour’s fence. Note to all fence putter-uppers out there: if you’re gonna put up a fence, how about you put up one that isn’t ugly as sin and has Irish Irish coats of arms and celtic symbols all over it. Newsflash: you’re asian. And we’re the only ones who can see your fence. And we know you’re asian. I don’t go around planting totem poles in my yard. And even if I did, they’d be tasteful.
It also occurs to me that I haven’t written out a Virgin Inversion for some time so here goes…

Don’t cut in front of me in the middle of an intersection

That’s a great life lesson. Especially if you’d like to keep your life, you idiot. Here are the basic rules of the road, they’re not important or written down anywhere or indicated by brightly painted arrows on the street but if you are in the right turning lane, you should generally turn right instead of driving straight and almost swiping the sideview mirror of the person in the left lane who is going straight.
I have about three more posts to go off about shit but honestly, I’ll save myself the sore fingers and take a valium instead.

Insert a Buddha quote here

And here comes my corniest post ever… (still true though)
I did this one thing that a lot of people said I couldn’t do since I had zilch experience. It took some help but I did it. It’s such an exhilirating feeling. Knowing that you can do anything you say you can do. The humble congratulations of all the naysayers doesn’t hurt a bit
But honestly, I don’t feel my ego inflating. Because this isn’t just me, it’s you to. If I can do this crazy thing that I haven’t ever been taught before or even had an interest in doing… you can do anything you want to do.
It’s so true. It drives me insane when people look at things… look at things that they really want (realistic things that they have in their capacity to do) and just give up because they think they don’t have it in them.
You can do anything you set your mind to
It doesn’t take a lot of will power. You don’t need to be disciplined. I sure as hell am not, a chocolate cake can do me in. But when I want something and I think I can get it, I get it. It’s that simple.
Life is too short to abandon your dreams. No matter how small or insignificant they are.

Some people have all the luck

TAIPEI (Reuters) – A mobile phone lost at sea for four days washed up in perfect condition in Taiwan after drifting 37 km (23 miles) and was discovered by a park lifeguard who tracked down the shocked owner to return it, the finder said on Friday.
Yu Hsin-leh of Taipei lost the phone on July 24 while snorkeling near the Taiwan port city of Keelung, Taiwan’s United Daily News reported.
On Monday, it turned up in Longdong Bay Park on the island’s northeasternmost cape after floating past numerous towns and rocky outcroppings.
A small water-resistant case had protected the phone at sea, said park lifeguard Lin Huan-chuan, who found it.
Lin said he recharged the battery and called Yu’s wife by finding her in the phone’s list of saved numbers.
“All the phone’s functions were normal,” Lin said. “The owner was extremely surprised as he figured he had lost it for good.”
(Reporting by Ralph Jennings; Editing by Sugita Katyal)

The most fun I’ve had in a while

http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com

Are you a troll if your posts are twice as intelligent as any of the regular posters?

To have fun and drink and dance

With your friends is basically the shit. I love it.
Happy almost birthday to me