Links on loving yourself, Hugh Hefner, virginity sniffing animals and anti-obesity activists

In honour of valetine’s day, I’m doing a special link session to any and all interesting articles pertaining to singles, virginity and anything that I’ve been sticking in my bookmarks to share with you guys. It’s time to unload- and what’s a better day than today?
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On being single on valentine’s day
I’m find a lot of helpful posts for singles who are finding it hard to cope today so I thought I’d add some links to my favourite ones and see if they can perk you up a bit:
Be Thankful | The Birds and the Beezies
How to Be Single on Valentine’s Day | The Dating Optimist
Surviving Being Single on Valentine’s Day | Single City Guy
Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day | Carls Bad Patch
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On losing your virginity
From the meaning of losing the v-card to experiences of doing so to funny posts about when to lose it and when the man himself lost it (22! Can you believe it?)
Swiping the V-Card | College Candy
The 30-Year-Old Virgins | Salon.com
5 TV-inspired ways to lose your virginity | Student Life (U-Dub)
How Hef Got His Groove Back | The New York Times
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About society and virginity
General articles about virginity and science, trends and what they mean in a global context
30-Something Mormon Poet’s Take On… | via Never Had A Boyfriend
Hymenplasty and the obsession with virginity | Iowa State Daily
Is virginity the new sexual trend? | redandblack.com (UGA)
Male animals can ‘smell’ virginity | Sify.com
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About body image and self-esteem
I love the first article- does everyone agree when you say “she’s a 10″?
Beauty is not a spectrum | Eat The Damn Cake
Princess Politics | The Boston Globe
7 Tips to Dress Your New Body… Image | WebMD
Meet an anti-obesity activist | CNN Video

P.S. Quite a few of these links were found on the incel forums. For more information, see this post.
P.P.S. I’m always on the lookout of interesting articles relating to virginity and women who haven’t been in relationships. I would absolutely love to post anything you have found so if you think there’s something we should be taking a look at, please comment with it or email me at girlslashwoman[at]gmail[dot]com.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day! It isn’t just for couples

Not just because it’s V-day and you still have your V-card and not because St. Valentinus was probably a virgin (okay, maybe a little because of that)… you should celebrate it because we all have the right to be loved and spread love regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not.
I have always loved valentine’s day (and very little of that has to do with the half-price candy after valentine’s day). I used to dress up in pink and distribute condoms to my sexually active friends… for real. Not because I was worried about STI’s or that I wanted to live vicariously through them. It’s because it was funny and less cliche than a bunch of roses.
I remember there was this one valentine’s day when I dressed up and got to school to find out that my high school crush had slept with this really beautiful girl. I was incredibly depressed. But if I can live through that and still love valentine’s day, I think you can learn to love it too.
So happy valentine’s day, friends! Wear some pink, spread some condoms and remember that just because you’re single doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved.

Awkward Girl Faces Her Nemesis, The Social Cue Demon

I’ve been wondering about how I should phrase my ideas around this post. It basically involves the pitfalls of researching things like sexual interactions, virginity and such… it’s kind of like an overload of information. Like oil in a glass of water, they don’t combine very well. It floats on top and when the time comes to actually putting it to use, no amount of stirring or shaking will make it mix with the water.
That’s how I feel every time I’m in a situation where I’m talking to a guy or in a position where I could get approached by a guy. It’s easy to tell yourself to relax but it’s different to actually do it- I tell myself to act confidence, to make eye contact, to flirt… to do things that I’m not really used to doing naturally. I start remembering articles about how to act, about what to say, how to flip my hair and it’s confusing. It’s awkward. And I feel as if the guy I’m talking to senses this awkwardness.
It’s disturbing because for the longest time, I convinced myself that guys weren’t interested in me because of my weight. Later on, I realized that it wasn’t the weight, it was the no-no-signals I was sending out to all men. But now that I’m trying to remedy this, I’m finding myself lost. I feel like a new driver who has been through four weeks of classroom training who is thrown into the front seat of a semi and order to start driving down the highway at 130 km/hr. It’s nerve racking.
But it doesn’t even end there. I wonder if VSoL is holding me back. I feel like this label may be hurting me. I’ve defined myself as a single girl endlessly searching for love and I’m afraid that it may just stay that way due to my own behaviour- and the constant overanalyzing that I do on this blog.
I tried to talk to a friend who has a lot of success with men and she told me to act “natural”. I have no idea what that means. I tried acting natural with Frodo but that only came back and bit me in the ass. But as I mentioned before, there is a cute boy in my class who seems to pay attention to me because I talk to everyone around me and act confidence (something I’m not used to). For all I know though, he’s not interested at all- or he may be but I never make much eye contact so I threw him off (You see? This is what I mean)
I used to think of myself as a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fat girl who thinks she’s not attractive to men ends up acting like she has low self esteem and thus, men aren’t interested in her. Now I feel like the single girl who thinks she’s lacking in the experience department and all the compensation for that is hampering her from actually obtaining the experience that she wants.
Anyway, I don’t know guys, what should I do? I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place- if I just play it cool and be myself, it seems like a legit idea except for the fact that it hasn’t ever worked for me and I feel really naive and dorky. On the other hand, I could keep reading evolutionary biology books and dating advice articles but it isn’t getting me anywhere and may even making me a little crazy. I’m confused.

What type of blogger are you?

I was browsing Hope Dies Last and saw her recent post about The Typalyzer (check it out) which is basically a website where you type in your URL. It analyzes your blog and spits out what type of blogger you are. It reminds me of the Myers-Briggs test.
Here’s where VSoL falls…

ISFP – The Artists
The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.
They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

It’s interesting because I come from a line of artists from my maternal side. I do paint on a regular basis. The idea of an artists is more symbolic though and while I’m usually a take-charge person in school, I do operate my blog on the lines mentioned above.
The brain activity map says that while blogging, I rank highly on feeling (spirituality, harmony, rhythm) and sensing (order, details, habit) which makes sense too. I try to keep my blog orderly but I do try to explore different aspects of myself and the way society works.
Anyway, I’ve already checked out some of the people on my blog list and this is what has come up so far (and has been pretty accurate).
All of us virgins are either coming up as performers or artists. Guys are all coming up as mechanics (:
ESTP – The Doer’s - The active and playful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities. The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.
ISFJ – The Nurturers – The quiet, devoted and sympathetic type. They are especially attuned to the present moment, the details of the task at hand and the people involved. They are not big-picture people and tend to be suspicious of future possibilities. They tend to trust history MUCH more than the future. The Nurturers enjoy safe and harmonic work places with few surprises and clear goals. Because they are so nice and generous people thay have to look out not to be taken advantage of. It might be important for them to learn to speak up for themselves.
ISTP – The Mechanics - The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment and are highly skilled at seeing and fixing what needs to be fixed. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts. The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.
ESFP – The Performers – The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead – they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation – qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

Back to my life

So I haven’t really updated you guys on what’s going on in my own life in a while. I’m consciously trying to put Frodo out of my mind which is working out nicely so far. I went to the first week of school- there’s two cute guys in two different classes (maybe three). I talked to one of them a few days ago and called him by the wrong name (yikes). I sense that the second one is interested because I’m the only person in that class who bothers socializing with the people around me but it’s sketchy- but I catch him looking at me once every class and after that, he seems to deliberately avoids my gaze although he always looks up whenever I talk to anyone around him. Weird (he’s so hot).
Other than that, I’m getting into a dangerous situation with an ex-boyfriend of a friend who are both gems but they hate each other and my friend is not amused that I’m talking to him. They broke up while I was away and I never wanted to know what happened. I became closer friends with him after the break up (we were never great friends before). He’s super cute too and though I could imagine banging him (yes, that cute), we have nothing in common and I’d never date him. I made the mistake of getting drunk this summer and telling him how hot I thought he was. He’s been hitting on me ever since- even in the presence of his ex-girlfriend which is so uncomfortable. But I’m sticking to the chicks b4 dicks rule even though I’m fairly sure she wouldn’t do the same for me- plus, let’s get real. What am I going to do with him? An inebriated make out session? Yay to making things even more uncomfortable.
Why do these things always happen to me?
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This blog has churned out a few really great “relevant links” posts in the past month. But here’s some more for ya…
I was doing an interview with Rachel Hills. She’s a journalist who has really focused in on modern sexuality and the dating scene. While reading through her blog, there were few posts on late virginity and singlehood that I thought you guys should check out:
The ‘V’ Word
Single figures
Why it pays to be picky
Defeat the fear that keeps you single
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The Dude on College Candy answers the question:
Can A Virgin Ever Find Love?