Brosky’s been having my high school crush over and that’s been really screwing me up. It’s been evoking a lot of old feelings that I had hoped I was over.
There’s a guy in class who I’m attracted to and who may even be attracted to me (yep, yet another one) but I don’t have the balls to hold eye contact with him for even half a second because that nagging voice tells me that I’m delusional and not attractive.
Meanwhile, I’ve lost more weight which has brought me down to around 135 lbs. I’d love to get down to 125 lbs but I feel like I’m making excuses for myself (you’re not hot enough etc etc). I’m beginning to realize that I would be okay with my weight and my body if I had a boyfriend- a lot of my weight issues circulate around men and what they think of my body.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m very frustrated with myself. I’m 23 years old, dammit. I should at least have one faux-relationship or something. I know it’s just me. I know that I’m the problem here and I can’t fix myself and it sucks.
G/W
22. Single. Virgin. Floating through the masses, trying to find love, beauty, the meaning of life... and maybe even myself.
More about meThemes
attraction beauty being fat being hit on being single being skinnier blogging body image boyfriend boyfriends clubbing confidence crush dating fat fat acceptance flirting friend-guy friends friendship frodo fuck my life high school crush Him hot guy ideas life links love love life media men people random regret relationships school self confidence sex shit vacation virgin virginity weight loss will power-
Recent
-
Popular
Times
- February 2012
- January 2012
- October 2011
- July 2011
- May 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
I hope someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet. You deserve it. You are ready! And beautiful just the way you are.
Ah welcome back
You don’t know how many times I’d been re-visiting your blog, hoping to finally see a new post.
Okay so I completely understand what you’re going through. But what’s interesting is that you know that the reason you haven’t had a relationship yet is b/c of the way you view yourself. I’m sure there are lots of guys out there who want to date you but you just don’t believe that yet.
You said that you can’t “fix yourself”, but I’m wondering why not? That’s a bad way of putting it though. I think you should instead find ways to fix how you view yourself (a smart, beautiful girl) and get out into that dating scene
You need to stop worrying about the fact that you haven’t had a relationship yet from a social status point of view.
It sounds partly like your problem is that you are too hung up on the fact you haven’t had a boyfriend yet.
Sign up for online dating or do some speed dating. This will let you get some practice in, get your confidence up and give you something to talk about when people talk about previous relationships.
Girl, you need to update this blog more often!
I thought that, too. That I’d be ‘ok’ with myself and self-image if I had a boyfriend because that validates you in society. As for weight loss and a good self-image, that is the result of realising you need to do it for the right reasons, not because ‘if I lose weight, I’ll feel better about myself and will find myself in a happy loving relationship’. It’s all about being healthy, not looking a certain way. I resent any attempts by friends or family that encourage me to ‘fit in’ to a society that made me an outcast because I was overweight i.e., “you can buy clothes from this shop once you’ve lost weight”. Ok, I’m ranting…
The reason I’m replying to this post is because I’m 29 and still holding onto my V-Card. Not because I haven’t had the opportunity but because it has never felt right to just sleep with some random guy and feel worse about myself when I wake up. I’ve seen too many girls as teenagers and now who do sleep with guys and fool themselves into believing that it’ll make them feel better…when it only ends with them feeling worse about themselves for compromising their integrity. Have also seen too many girls/women in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because they’re afraid to be alone.
Yes, it gets me down, feeling fat and unlovable but at the same time, I’ve had a great opportunity to know myself and learn to *gasp* like myself. Hard to do when society makes you feel like trash for being overweight, I know, but plenty of ladies who fit the ‘ideal’ are unhappy and hate themselves. Life’s too short to be that unhappy and bitter all the time. Lose weight for the right reasons – that you don’t want to be fragile or vulnerable physically, not because you think it’s the barrier to a loving relationship. I believe, well, I HAVE to believe that all this unhappiness is creating a resilient, kick-ass woman that will find herself in a loving relationship that is fulfilling for both parties. If I had come to this realisation years ago, at your age, I would’ve realised that there were relationship opportunities there from men who were attracted to my personality and didn’t give a stuff about the love handles. It’s hard to see it though when you’re so busy tearing yourself apart for not being ‘good enough’. This thought pattern won’t change just because you’ve lost weight, so start now
Maybe your v-Card will disappear before mine 
Congrats on the weight loss. I too struggle with eye contact, so I feel you there.
135 pounds? you are not fat, get over it
Next time your high school crush comes over, say to him “hey! I miss seeing you. Do you want to catch up over lunch of something?” Then, invite him to a casual restaurant. Talk with him and ask him a bunch of questions. It’ll be pretty obvious that you are into him by then. Later, explain that you had a crush on him in high school, but were too nervous to do anything about it. There’s a pretty good chance that he’ll say “if I had known I would totally go out with you!” or something of the sorts. Then, say “let’s go out now!”.
Ideally, he’ll be really flattered and excited. If he isn’t, then go on a date with him again, and gauge his actions there. If he doesn’t seem into you say “It’s clear that you don’t share the feelings that I have for you. I think we should end this here. It was nice getting to know you, and I had a wondeful time reconnecting!” If he likes you and you were bad at reading the signals he will say “noo I totally like you!” and if your assumptions are right, he’ll say something else.
Do you think relationships begin because the woman just sits around and waits for the man to talk to her? She needs to say SOMETHING and show SOME INTEREST. This doesn’t mean sitting in his lap and wearing slutty clothes. It means that if you just look at the floor, he’ll assume you don’t like him, but if you smile and say “I like you! I like being with you!” The message will be clear.
PS: Guys really like it when a girl is shy and innocent. If you get nervous around a guy and act all cute, he will instinctively want to hug you and make you feel better.
PSS: Weight isn’t as big as an issue that you make it to be. There is a man for every body type!
Sez and Gigi, I agree with everything you’re saying. That’s exactly what I’m trying to come to terms with- the fact that my weight doesn’t define who am and the people I date. I’ve lost close to 70 lbs and my dating status is exactly the same!
Sam, I know 135 lbs isn’t fat. If you had bothered to read up on this blog, you’d realize that I’ve had an ongoing problem with weight loss and that 135 lbs is my lowest weight to date.