Ch-ch-ch-changes

I went to a party last night and Astronomer was there. Everyone had told me he was a try-hard but he never acted that way when he was with me. He acted like a try-hard at the party. I barely talked to him. It was disgusting. Instead, I spent my time hitting on a girl. At the last moment, I realized that I couldn’t follow through. But you know, everyone heard about it. I am a little embarrassed but mostly because I was never really attracted to her- I was just bored. Astronomer was acting weird and the people there were very pretentious. I felt uncomfortable… and foolish. It was a waste of a night.
Six Pack texted me for the first time since we hooked up. Some vague comment about nothing whatsoever. He probably just sent it to validate his existence as a part of my life.
Anyway, I’m here because I thought I’d hit up my last few valentine’s day posts in respect to the occasion
2009 – I booked a hotel room for myself and a friend. Then we called a few guys over. We got super high and drunk, didn’t make out with any of them. Although I remember that I was attracted to one of them- I didn’t feel confident enough to give it a shot and, besides that, I weighed about 195 lbs. These boys were just out of high school. They weren’t into me, to say the least.
2010 – I went to Vegas. Best v-day ever.
2011 – I encouraged you all to celebrate valentine’s day despite your single status. Nothing was really going on for me but I managed to post twice in one day and link a bunch of articles about loving yourself.
The last post was right. I have always loved valentine’s day. For some reason, I haven’t fully embraced it this year (I did mail cards to all my friends though). I don’t know, I guess making out with all these people proved to me that I was attractive… now I feel like I don’t have to try so hard to not care that I’m unattractive. I feel beaten… and bored. I don’t have anyone to crush on right now and I’ve realized that that’s another constant in my life.
I love loving people. I love daydreaming about them and thinking of them and wondering what they’re like and being awed over the way they think and talk and act and breathe. With all the guys I’ve liked, I used to think about them all the time.  I have no one to pine over right now. It bores me and makes me feel lost.
How am I supposed to be experiencing unrequited love if I’m not in love? That’s a foreign concept to me. There are no guys out here that I’m interested in. I was hoping to meet one at the party but Astronomer ruined all of that by showing up.
Anyway, this post is a little useless. I’m just trying to get my thoughts together. I just want someone to walk into my life right now and interest me enough to actually want to get with them. That’s not happening.
P.S. Happy V-Day!