My loves, this page desperately needs to be revamped. I wrote this two three years ago and while I still retain the rights to my V-card, a lot of other things have changed. Notably, my obsession with Carmen Electra’s fit-to-strip DVDs (thank god) I still love the fit-to-strip DVDs but I’ve also added the pussycat doll workout to my collection and I’ve dropped from 200 lbs to around 125 lbs. Go me!!? (but that’s not due to the DVDs, don’t try that)
I still own mine. It’s been sitting in my pocket for the past 20 years and I’m not thinking about trading it in anytime soon. It’s only when I turned twenty that I actually started thinking about it. I’m still a virgin. Is that strange? I don’t know. I have no idea about the statistics these days but most of my friends lost it a few years back.
How did this happen? I don’t know. It just did. My first kiss was at 18… I was drunk at a party. My first time at second base was at 19… I was drunk at a club. I’ve never had a boyfriend and never had an interest in getting one… well, we’ll get back to that. It’s not that my virginity is a bad thing. Most people are surprised when I tell them. I kinda think of it as this secret weapon. A nuclear weapon maybe. Handy for when I want to shut people up, I guess.
“G, you’re such a whore” ”I’m a virgin” ”What?”
“It’s two o clock, where have you been??” ”Mum, I’m a virgin” “Oh okay then, good night dear”
“Hello this is CHDH 27.3. Congratulations, you are caller number 27!” “I’m a virgin” - ”…”
Ok well that has never happened (not the last one anyway) but it’s interesting huh? People talk about sex everyday, about their bowel moments and no one blinks. When you talk about virginity, it’s like whoa rewind! So that’s why I don’t talk about it. I don’t know. Sometimes I’m proud of it, sometimes I’m ashamed of it. Mostly, I don’t know what to think of it.
I have a few theories as to why I am one though.
I think I’m developmentally delayed in a sexual/emotional sense. I’ve liked the same kid since I was 13 and refused to take a look at any other guy. Now that I’ve realized that he is never going to work out, I find myself unable to see other men in the same light. I have immensely high standards just because he was so great. But I have zilch personal experience with guys (it doesn’t count if I don’t remember it).
I’m overweight. Technically, there are still people who are into that sort of thing but it brings down my self-worth. I’m the self-proclaimed “ugly friend” which is made worse by the fact that all my friends are hot and my little sister has been approached by modelling scouts twice (bitch).
I guess the combination of the two of these had made me insecure around men. I don’t feel comfortable around them even though I feel attracted to them. Well, I feel comfortable around some… not all. Not most.
Regardless of all of this, I define myself as a pretty happy individual (who ever heard of a happy virgin?) I love hanging out with my friends and family and I’m pretty ok in general. I’m not satisfied but I’m ok.
So this is me. A 20 year old virgin with low confidence who is constantly and desperately buying cardio DVDs to try to drop weight. Hi!
Note to self: Update this so you sound less pathetic
