Dear skinny bitches who have the cure

Ok, I think the time has come for me to finally address the people who want to help. The people who have all the answers. The ones that have this awesome and incredible knowledge bestowed upon them. The ones who know how to solve our ultimate problem.
Do you want their solution? Do you?
Well… hold your breath…
Exercise and eat healthy.
Exercise and eat healthy.
Exercise and eat healthy.
Shit, seriously? That’s how I lose weight? Oh my god, I’ve never thought of that before. It’s so damn simple! So all I need to do is exercise and eat healthy and I’ll be down to a size 2? You are such a geniu-Beeeeeeep wrong fucking answer.
What is it with skinny people who like to shove their weight loss tactics down my throat? Especially when they’ve never had an extra pound on them in their life. Especially the ones who don’t exercise or eat healthy but insist that if they were fat they would do just that and the pounds would melt off. Just to clarify, exerciseandeathealthy is not the name of a pill that I have to take once a day or a seminar I’ll return from about 50 pounds lighter.
Ok Skinny, I get it. You’re skinny. Good stuff… so are a bunch of other people. But they don’t think they’ve been given a PhD in how to lose weight. Wonder what makes you so special?
But okay skinnies, lets have it your way. Exercise…
I need to walk three days a week for half an hour… which’ll take me about 2 years to get rid of the extra weight so lets bump that up to cardio workouts four times a week because everyone can fit that into their week right? Yeah, so lets ask the single mom whose working two jobs if she can fit that into her schedule. Or the overworked student who barely has five minutes to eat. Or the fifty year old retired actor with a bad knee. Running four times a week? I don’t think so. Walking three times a week? Don’t think so for that either. People’s lives are busier than you can imagine. If you can’t donate an hour of your time a week to the needy, I’m taking it on a whim that you’re not the busiest person in the world and it isn’t too difficult for you to imagine that someone else may have more things to do.
Lets move on to “eating healthy” – which by the way is bad grammar.
You want people to cut out carbs or cut out calories or stop eating some kind of food. Well, people need to food in order to live. And they will eat anything especially if it’s cheap (because they’re poor), if it’s fast to prepare (see above) and if it looks good (don’t tell me you don’t salivate over the sexy piece of ass living next door – it’s human nature to covet). This stuff is usually unhealthy food. We live in a world where everything marketed towards you is bad for you. If you can eat that crap and stay skinny, well, good on you but that unhealthy shit is ending up in your gut too. We’re all human. And remember that fat people are brought up on this shit. They crave it like you crave the limelight.
Ok so say that there is someone who doesn’t have any of the problems listed above and she does exercise and does eat healthy food… and she still doesn’t lose weight. Welcome to my world. If I am diagnosed with PCOS, hypothyroidism or a number of other diseases, I am essentially screwed. If my family genetics dictate that I’ll be 30 lbs fatter than any of you all, I am screwed. If my body just doesn’t want to lose the weight, I am screwed. Wow, I’m screwed all over the place, aren’t I? But no, not you. Because if you ever get fat, you’ll exercise and eat healthy and you’ll be back to 110 in no time.
Keep dreaming that dream, sweetheart. Eventually, everyone gets fat and I’ll be interested in seeing how well your philosophy is working out then.

I have a friend

She used to weigh 110 lbs two years ago…
and rapidly gained 40 lbs due to medicine.
She won’t leave the house. Won’t go out, go clubbing.
Says she’s too embarassed.
Gave up on all her friends.
Says they are too judgmental because “I used to be like that”
She tells me this and tells me that she had no idea before.
Now, she asks me how I feel and how what she feels will ever go away.
The whole… thinking about your fat all the time…
Planning future events with the idea that you will be skinnier by then
Buying smaller clothes because you hope you’ll fit into them
Using the “but I’m fat” excuse for doing anything in life
I told her, no it doesn’t. Even if you tone it down, it will never go away.
Not until you accept the fact that you’re fat.
And I never will. Because I’ve wanted to be skinny all my life.
Admitting that I’m fat is giving up on that.
Giving up on the perfect life I’ll never have because I’m skinny.
I’m comfortable. Too comfortable being unsatisfied with my body.
And then she says, you have such a beautiful face.
We’re both too pretty to be fat. Lets go on Weight Watchers.
So I’m like okay but what the fuck, why do I care?
It depresses me. She was so much happier when she was skinnier.
I wish I could make her happy when she’s fat.
If she’s happy and fat, it means that I don’t have to feel guilty anymore.
Because then it is okay to be happy and fat.

Seeking: thyroid problem, slow metabolism, poor genes, basically any excuse

Today, I took pictures of myself naked just to see what I look like.
Quite obviously, I’m a far cry from the skinny model-types you see today.
The problem with me is that I’m always in this constant self-image battle. Sometimes I tell myself I am hideous, sometimes I convince myself that I’m not so hideous and then of course, there’s my perception of other people’s perceptions of me.
The belly and backfat I saw didn’t help this issue but I sat around analyzing the pictures and telling myself it isn’t so bad.
But it is, isn’t it?
The thing is I make excuses for myself because I stop myself from going to extremes. I have resorted to purging and crash dieting before, that’s a whole other story. But because admitting to myself that I need to lose weight gets tiring sometimes. Sometimes I need to just be okay with myself.
That sucks because it leaves me unmotivated.
It’s pretty much a no-win situation here.
I either feel fake good about myself and don’t try to diet which leaves me with low self esteem
Or
I tell myself I suck and need to lose a ton if weight which leaves me with low self esteem.
The only way I win is if I ever lose weight and honestly, I’m not a fat acceptance supporter. I know the health issues that come with being fat. My dad is diabetic. I don’t want to go that lane. I will never be okay with being overweight.
Ugh I don’t know what to do with myself. I hate this whole weepy victimized state that I put myself in. I’ll blame self control and will power but it’s not anyone else pulling the strings, it’s me. I am responsible for my own actions.

Burn baby burn!

So my cousin and I bought this pilates boot camp DVD a few days ago at Chapters. Today is technically the first day we should be starting it.
Diet and exercise is a funny concept. Your body stores fat because it thinks that’s what’s good for it. It expects you to burn it off while you’re hunting and foraging for food. We have evolved that way. Fat is supposed to help you and make your life more convenient.
Funnily enough, in modern day times, fat is a pain in the ass. It’s anything but convenient. You spend all this energy trying to get rid of it.
So now what? Do we need to unevolve ourselves or something so that fat will be a thing of the past? Or are we just going to keep looking for ways to make it impossible to get fat using technology. Hits a little too close to Brave New World for my liking.
It’s funny how fat is sometimes still an attractive feature in places like Barbados but I wonder if it ever had a chance at being a mark of beauty. Extra fat is also usually associated with age.
Maybe one day that will change. Like the plague and capital punishment, it’ll slowly start fading away and start being looked at as another bother assigned to the olden days.
Meanwhile, I’ll still keep working at my fitness DVDs.