You don’t look like a virgin- is the response I recently received from a male friend who I confided in. It echoed the sentiments of some coworkers a few years ago who claimed that I didn’t “seem like a virgin”. Well, I’m sorry to break it to ya but…
It’s funny how quickly ideas change. Once we get into college, people stop being virgins… but if you’re still a virgin, you’re subject to scrutiny. And this is what I wanted to talk about.
I’m finding that the men of yesterday had a completely different view of what a female virgin looked like compared to their modern counterparts- and surprisingly, their former kind of had it right.
Virgins back in the day: Virginity was the status quo and that’s why there wasn’t really a perfect picture of what a virgin looked like. All women were supposed to be virgins so the modest, chaste representations associated with virginity were modeled by virgins and non-virgins alike.
Virgins today: Modern men have a few extremely different conceptions of what a virgin is. They’re mostly all based on popular culture and widespread assumptions about female sexuality and relationships.
The Bible Thumping Virgin
When I’m asked why I’m a virgin- people often assume that it’s because of my religious beliefs (maybe because I’m brown). This is partially true- my heritage has strongly influenced my relations with men but it doesn’t really effect my decision to date anyone.
Girls in this class are off limits to the average guy. He figures that she’s saving it for marriage and that he doesn’t have a chance at all.
The Feminist Virgin
He doesn’t think he has a chance with this one either. After all, she hates men. That’s why she doesn’t want to give it up to one, right? (she’s probably a lesbian anyway)
The Ugly/Fat Virgin
Of course he wouldn’t want this one… and it explains why no one else would want her either. This is the one who “looks like a virgin”.
The Socially Inept Geekvirgin
Well, she’s a hermit and she never leaves so she obviously can’t find any men to have sex with. He figures she’s probably doable if she gets a little drunk and since female geeks are obviously petite (not much time to eat food when they’re busy programming computers), they could be a good lay (albeit inexperienced).
The Hot Virgin
Welcome to the virgin they have all been waiting for. Beautiful, pure, adoring, doe-eyed and ready to give it up to a worthy male. Guys love fantasizing about this sort of virgin (since she’d immediately recognize them as a worthy male). She’s gorgeous, STD-free and willing to follow directions like a puppy. Isn’t that what every guy dreams of?
The virgin reality check: So to all those wondering about what a virgin looks like, guess what? None of the above.
Virgins look like any other girl (blonde, brunette, pretty, ugly, chubby, skinny), act like any other girl (flirty, shy, outgoing, brave, adventurous, prudish) , are interested in different things (hiking, reading, clubbing, anime, drinking) and haven’t lost it yet for different reasons (wrong guys, too concentrated on school/work/dance, have body image problems, never got that far).
We all have different levels of sexual experiences and different ideas about what our virginity means to us. You can’t tell whether I’m a virgin or not by looking at your face just like I can’t tell your penis size by measuring the gap between your forefinger and thumb. So can we stop with all the stereotyping?